Tuesday, December 8, 2009 @ 8:38 PM
why is it that parents are always correct? so what if they did something wrong? dun they have to apologise? i hate this..
off my comp today at bout 5plus, was tired and went for a nap. while i was napping, i asked my cousin to finish his work. at bout 6.10, my dad woke me up. i haven even fall asleep yet. -.- ask me and my cousin to go out and eat. i was like, im really tired. can i rest more. furthermore, my cousin haven even finish his work. so, my dad waited until 6.30. my mum called, and he start to complain how i dun wanna wake up. he dragged my cousin out. i was like super irritated. cause i can barely rest. -.- then i wanted to bathe first before going out. but before that, i wanted to sms my mum to tell her i'll be later than my dad. in case she scolds again. but, i guess i just cant avoid getting scolded.
as i was texting her, my dad called her and complain bout me. that i dun wanna go eat. hello. i just wanted to bathe. my mum called asnd started ranting. i was totally pissed off. super much. i just had a quarrel with her and now, another one. i just cant do things right. even though i did my chores today, so? still get scolded. and she was like, "no need to eat is it, wanna be God ar?!" all i said was,"i was tired. so wanted to have a bathe before going out. i was halfway texting you." and she's replied, "tired.. you never even work and you tell me you're tired.." what's got to do with work????????? ya, true, i dun have a work currently. so? does it mean that i cant get tired? i barely slept for an hour!
then i was extremely pissed already. what can i do? i cant even vent my anger. who, what can i vent my anger on? i feel super terrible. inflicting physical hurt on myself to get rid of emotional hurt. that sucks. now, my knuckles hurt. ever since young, what can i do when im angry? im the youngest in the family. quarrel with my brother, obviously he win. he's older than me and he's a guy. quarrel with parents? come on, definitely lose. LOL.
went to bathe and got out of the house asap. then after that, waited for the bus for super long.. adds on to my anger. when arrived at the dinner place, they finish their meal liao. so my mum order something for me and i faster eat. the whole time, i didnt speak. then my mum hinted that my cousin will be staying over at our house. i was like "?!". i just ask questions in a very not happy manner. and she told my cousin, "their reaction shows that they dun wan you to stay in my house, but i just want you to." i didnt even say i dun wan him to stay here. -.- forget it.. and, she said that my cousin was tired, when he had slept 3hrs today. he also never work what?! y can he be tired but i cannot? my dad today also never work what. but y can he nap????
on the way home, my mum told me that i'll have to bring him to tuition tmr in the morning, 10.30am. but before that, i have to bring him home first. im like............ what can i say. then i tell her (in a not very nice tone too) that i dunno how to go his tuition place. and my mum rebutted my like shit. ya, true. i said that i'll help take care of my cousin during my hols, tutor him and help with his work. she used that to rebut me, saying, "now ask you to bring him to tuition very hard is it? who was the one who said (those things above)?!" i was like, i cant say anything, can i?
i was already in tears but i had to not let it drop down cause, its the public. LOL. when they wanted to go Lot1, i was like, i go home first. i felt super terrible. i dunno what to do. if i dun wanna take care of my cousin, i would not fetch him the first thing in the morning when i wake up. if i dun wanna help him with his work, i wouldnt correct him just now when he was doing his tuition work. how am i suppose to tutor him when he's under massive care from his parents and every relatives of mine? will his parents spend that extra money for him to buy assesment and let me help him in his work?! ya ya ya, i only know how to say la.
at least what she scolded me today was minor. ytd was even worse. i didnt read her sms and hence, didnt do house chores. when she got home, she scolded my like hell. i hated it when she always scold me this, "why am i wasting so much time and money on you?! what you want, you get it. i'd rather spend it on my three adopted kids than you! at least they send a thankyou every month. YOU?! dun make me throw you out of the house!" what the hell?? there's this thought in my mind for few years already. y cant i just leave this family and just get out of their life?! i just wanna pack my stuff and leave this house. it doesnt matter if i have a place to stay not... i'll just wait.............................
when they got home, i was in the living room watching tv. after that, she called me into the room for leaving my inner wear in the toilet to dry when it should be hung on the hanger. i took it and my clothes away. then she stopped me, scolded me for a super long time. one sentence she said, "dun ever give that look to me. no matter what i do, whether right or wrong, you better dun give me that look, im your mum." idiot, this just makes me hate her more. my dad also like nothing happen like that and heck care. my dad always stand on my mum's side. me? always fighting this battle alone. i've really really had enough. )':
i dun wanna step out of my room at all. i just wanna stay in this darkness and not care bout anything else. i dun wan her to come in to my room, i dun wanna see her in my room. i just wanna be alone. i dun wan to step into the brightness and see her. i just hope that i have a house of my own.
the one that can help me isnt here.. anymore. it feels like i dunno how to love anymore..
